A Simple Farmer and a Brilliant Rat

No sane farmer will ever say good things about rodents that know only about eating away whatever they store in their barns and granaries. The following is a transcript of a conversation between the kindest farmer and a shameless rat.

Farmer: WTF, is this what you give me for giving shelter to you and your parents and forefathers? I am really pissed off!
Rat: What did I do to invoke this unwanted anger? Take that WTF back.
Farmer: Don’t tell me you are not the one who’d been shitting on top of my corn and grains in the barn.
Rat: Hold on! Where else do you expect me to shit? My parents did that and my forefathers for sure must have done that too. Wait, are you asking me to change something that is tradition?
Farmer: I don’t care. I am tired of sifting out shit before I cook. I’ll banish you from my barn if you don’t stop your disgusting relieving habit.
Rat: Try me!
Farmer: That’s it I’m bringing home a cat.
Rat: Oh yeah, cat shit for a change. Not bad!
Farmer: And why do you have to party every night on something that I worked so hard to get? And why do you fight with your friends every night while partying?
Rat: Don’t tell me you humans don’t fight after partying! Humans even kill each other after drinking; at least we rats don’t do that.
Farmer: Shut your mouth!!!! Are you also the one eating my clothes as if stealing food is not shameful enough?
Rat: Don’t be too mean. I too need a cozy bed to sleep. What is so wrong in taking some of those old cloths of yours, which you don’t even wear?
Farmer: You are so annoying at times.
Rat: C'mon, you look ugly when you are unpractical.
Farmer: What?? One more annoying habit of yours is sneaking into my room at night. Do I not deserve to have complete privacy with my wife? Have I ever intruded you like the way you do to me?
Rat: I am sorry about that OK. Hey wait, you've intruded into my privacy many times and you still do that.
Farmer: When and how?
Rat: You banging on the wall to scare my friends whenever we party. That itself amounts to mental torture, you know that right? You remember the shit in the barn? Those are dropped by my friends, some for being so scared and most as revenge whenever you bang on the wall.
Farmer: What? Angry for trying to dissuade you from stealing? Remember you don't have an iota of right to party on something that's rightfully mine.
Rat: Whatever. You can't make or change rules overnight. I am what I am.
Farmer: It's useless trying to reason with you. Stop shitting on my food grain and don't sneak into my room.
Rat: OK old man, you should also learn not to bang on the barn wall whenever I am with my friends.